Monday, February 20, 2006

In Which I Try to Solve My Problems, And Probably Fail

Music: Neil Diamond- Hell Yeah

Alright, so here's the thing: I was truthfully happy this weekend. From start to finish. I went for a run at the gym on Friday, and let me tell you- that endorphins thing ain't no joke. I felt so good after running for about twenty minutes. I've really, really got to do that more often. Like, seriously. OK, then I went to Porter House. For those not in the know, it's a house off campus in which five, maybe six (?) students share rent and live. It's a party place on weekends, and everyone who's anyone be being there.
Ok, onto the drama, I was having a fun night just dancing and laughing with friends (I'm confident these people like me- how crazy is that? Yeah for beating paranoia/low self esteem kind of). Then I went out to the back porch to see what was up. The infamous Jeff Lambert was out there holding court with two girls. They all seemed pretty drunk. They were discussing Doystoevsky and Joyce. I thought to myself, "I should get in on this." So I did my best. We were discussing how Joyce really didn't want to be understood and such. Having a comprehensible discussion wasn't really an option, since these folk were, as previously mentioned, drunk. At one point, one of the girls said to me, "I'm seeing four of you right now", and then promptley fell on me. She got up and left, as did Mr. Lambert. The other girl and I were talking. I thought to myself, "I could hook up with this girl." I didn't think it in a creepy "Oh I'm gonna take advantage of her" way, I was just reflecting on what I would like. Again, not creepily. It was a passing thought. I love how I am justifying this to no one, since no one reads this. Anywho, we both got up, and she just sort of falls onto my lips. That's right. I was involved in a drunken hook-up. So yeah, it was nice I guess. Then, like 5 min later, her friends (you know, the we-go-to-the-party-together-we-leave-together types) just grab her, tell her "We're leaving" without once even looking at me, Mr. Trobule Man. I can understand their worry, but I really wasn't going to do anything. So I sent her facebook message making sure she was alright and a friend request, which she approved (duh). She didn't respond to the message, though. So I guess that's that. Too bad, she seemed like the person I would like (i.e the type that drunkely discuss literature). Oh well.
Then Saturday, I went to the AU "Phil Bender" event. Yelled my lungs out, good times.

Man, this thing is turning more and more into a journal than I ever expected. Gotta put my thoughts out somewhere, I guess.

Anyways, onto the present. It's Monday nite, work is back and again I feel depressed/lazy. On the weekend, I even did some studying(!). I don't know how I've survived college with so little studying that I do. It's disgraceful, really. I'm slowly getting better, but it's frustrating. Why does it come so easily to others? Sigh. It's a frustrating thought, one not probably worth getting into. There's no real point in that, I guess.
Question: Do I not do work because I'm unhappy, or am I unhappy because I don't do work? The latter, I think.
See, here's the weird thing about me- I'm usually pretty happy (I think) until I start thinking about shit. See, here's how I view a day:

You've got to do: A,B,C,D,E,F..... When done, your day should be done and you can relax.

These activities usually fall along the lines of class, socialization, eating, studying, anything else (i.e going to CVS or appointments). Those, by the way, are in no particular order. Now here's the rub- I NEVER seem able to finish all of these! Usually, it's studying that is lost. In fact, I'd say that that is it 80% of the time. But sometimes it's socializing as well, and even eating. Often, I'll just be sitting here at my computer late at night and THEN remember what I've got to do. Like, right now I just borrowed from Sarah Sobeki the text book from which I need to read a chapter tonight! So I guess these problems will remain unresolved. It's a shame, because I really think I get going with this. I just know it. I have to.

Also, I went to the Career Center today about interships. Got lots to talk over with Eema and Abba.

Man, this thing is totally a journal now.

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