Thursday, February 16, 2006

Am I Losing My Mind?

Music- Crosby, Still, Nash & Young- Almost Cut My Hair

Alright, am I losing my mind? Now, I don't mean that I'm slipping into craziness or seeing pink elephants (presented by Anthony J. Hilder). No, what I'm talking about is...well, let me just tell you what happened.
So I'm checking out Facebook, right? And it turns out its the birthday of my high school friend Ari Giller. He's in Israel right now, doing a year there at I think Bar Ilan. I might be wrong on that. Anyways, in his "About Me" section, he says:
Going to Israel after high school has probably been one of my smartest decisions (along with voting for Kerry)

There's also a link to his myspace. Ok, it seems to me he is having a pretty good time in Israel. A really good time.
Which leads me to...
Am I wasting my life here? Christ, I know I'm only 19, but isn't that when I'm supposed to be out exploring the world and making opportunities for myself? I mean, I'm having a good time here at American, I guess. I like everybody. But am I learning all that could be? Am I experiancing all that I should be? Fuck, maybe I'm too goddamn blinded by Jack Kerouac and all that On the Road stuff- is life really like that? Could I live a life like that? Should I live a life like that? Sometimes, I really enjoy it here. On occasions like this, though, I feel trapped in a cage. But if I broke out of the cage, what would I do? Get trapped by my laziness or boredom?

Christ, do I sound emo. Just look at all that. And I don't even like emo!But I wonder- should just drop out and get a job? It would be so shocking, so rough. It would change my whole life. In the course of one sentence, I have made up my mind on that- the answer is no.

Ok ok lets just try to sum this up:
I don't feel like I'm doing anything with my life. This makes me worried. Should I be worried? What can I do to make myself fulfilled? Is man ever fulfilled?
And to think, this was all started by a couple lines on Facebook. That is why I think I'm losing my mind.


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